I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
