he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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