I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
