Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If that was your dad, he is hot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize