so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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