after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
