I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
