I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
