So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
