Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
