just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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