a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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