Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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