just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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