I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
