its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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