My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no you cant smoke seaweed
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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