Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
