I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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