In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
