when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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