The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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