she was so not down for the gang bang
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
