I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
