Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
