why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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