ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
