All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
