I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
