do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
