you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
