I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
