Umm I'm too high to move.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i believe in u and ur pee
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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