I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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