You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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