It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
