So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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