Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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