He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
