i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
