so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
