so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
