they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
