I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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