Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk is not a location!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
