we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
