Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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