it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
