last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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