Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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