he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
