If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
