So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
