hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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