why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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