Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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