I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
